6 Signs Your Partner is Making Your Anxiety Worse

In the United States, approximately 40 million adults live with anxiety disorders. In other words, there are a lot of anxious people in the country.

Anxiety can make daily life, including dating and being in intimate relationships, particularly challenging. If you have a partner who adds to that anxiety, it can be even more difficult.

If you find yourself thinking, “my husband gives me anxiety,” or “my husband stresses me out,” then you’re in the right place to learn how to move forward. 

The good news is that anxiety is treatable. By finding ways to alleviate some of your anxiety and working with your partner to cultivate the supportive relationship you both deserve, things can get better.

Learn more about how anxiety affects relationships, how to recognize if your partner is contributing to your anxiety, and strategies for coping.

Of course, there are normal nerves. Perhaps you get a little nervous before a work presentation or feel jittery at the thought of a big life change. But if your anxiety extends far beyond that, it’s possible you may be living with an anxiety disorder. 

There are five types of anxiety disorders:

• Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): GAD is diagnosed if someone has difficulty controlling their anxiety more often than not over the course of six months.

• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD): If you feel unable to escape recurrent thoughts and compulsive behaviors, you may be dealing with OCD. You can learn more about it in our complete guide.

• Social Anxiety Disorder: This occurs when you feel overwhelmed in social situations (whether it’s parties or speaking in front of a crowd). Social anxiety is also sometimes called social phobia. 

• Panic Disorder: Intense fear, panic attacks, and heart palpitations are markers of this form of anxiety.

• Phobias: A phobia is a persistent and debilitating fear of a specific thing, person, situation, or place.

And while post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) isn’t classified as an anxiety disorder, it can be helpful to know about it since it often co-occurs with anxiety. It can develop in people after they experience trauma (like military combat, a violent assault, an abusive relationship, or a natural disaster).

Those who deal with an anxiety disorder can experience a variety of physical and psychological symptoms. Not everyone experiences every symptom — different people may experience different manifestations of anxiety. Common symptoms include:

• Obsessive thoughts you can’t control

• Irritability

• Feeling restless or on edge

• Feelings of panic and excessive worry

• An inability to stay calm

• Trouble sleeping and nightmares

• Muscle tension

• Trembling or shaking

• Heart palpitations or a pounding heart

• Sweating

A variety of things can trigger your anxiety — including the person you’re in an intimate relationship with.

If your partner is helping you cope with your anxiety, a round of applause to them. But how do you know if they’re triggering it? Here are some signs. 

1. You Always Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells

Feeling restless and on edge is already a symptom of anxiety. If you notice these feelings becoming more frequent when you’re with your partner, it might be a sign they’re contributing to your anxiety.

This could be related to something called anticipatory anxiety. Uncertainty can make people feel anxious, and these anticipatory feelings are commonly linked to various anxiety disorders, such as GAD and panic disorder.

While anticipatory anxiety can arise at any time in a relationship, it can be especially intense in a new relationship. You may feel anxious about your partner’s feelings or how they’ll react to what you say, which can make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

It could also be due to their unpredictable reactions. Mood swings and erratic behavior can increase uncertainty and anxiety. If you never know how your partner will respond, this unpredictability may contribute to your anxious thoughts and feelings.

2. You’re Losing Sleep Because of Your Relationship Issues

Do you find yourself lying awake at night, unable to sleep because your mind is racing? This is common among those who suffer from anxiety.

Take note of what these thoughts are about. If they often revolve around your partner, it might indicate that your partner is triggering your anxiety. For example, you might replay conversations with them in your head repeatedly, trying to understand their meaning, or you might worry about an upcoming conversation with them.

Also, stress is known to affect sleep. If you’ve hit a stressful moment in your relationship, like a disagreement, you might find it particularly hard to get a good night’s rest.

3. You Feel Tight or Short of Breath Around Them

Shortness of breath and a racing heart are signs of anxiety. They’re often associated with panic disorder.

Interestingly, these same symptoms are also associated with falling in love. But if you’ve been in a stable relationship for a while, these symptoms might indicate that your partner is setting off your anxiety.

Also helpful to know: Women are twice as likely to experience panic attacks compared to men. Panic attacks can be caused by just about anything — including an argument with a partner or the feeling that a relationship is moving too fast, too soon. 

4. You Find Yourself Avoiding Your Partner

Do you find yourself wanting to distance yourself from your partner sometimes? This might be a sign that they’re worsening your anxiety, and you’re looking for a reprieve. 

This could be especially true if your partner tends to co-ruminate with you. For example, if you share your worries with them and they intensify those concerns, your anxiety can increase.

One study found that while sharing worries can make some people feel closer to their friends, it also increases their anxiety levels.

Whether it’s because of co-rumination or otherwise, avoiding your partner is a sign of relationship anxiety.

5. A Minor Disagreement Sets You Off

It’s normal for couples to argue from time to time, but frequent bickering can exacerbate your existing anxiety.

If even a small disagreement makes you feel irritated and annoyed — potentially compounding the general irritability that those with anxiety already live with — then it may not be a healthy relationship for you (though there are ways to work on it! More on that in a bit).

6. They Criticize You Often

Constant criticism can lead anyone down a path of unease, self-doubt, and overthinking. But if you already have anxiety and your partner often hurls negative comments your way, your anxiety may worsen and the experience may lead to self-esteem issues.

Constant criticism intended to harm or control you may also be a red flag pointing to larger issues, such as your relationship not being a safe space for you.

A relationship can bring up other issues that may trigger your anxiety, too. For example, if you have low self-esteem, being in a relationship can be tricky. 

Low Self-Esteem

An older study found that people with low confidence are more likely to doubt their partner’s feelings, which can lead to dating anxiety.

More recent research has shown that children with higher self-esteem exhibit fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression over time. Adolescents with higher self-esteem also report fewer attention problems, like impulsivity.

Relying on others, like your partner, for self-esteem can also cause issues. A study of college students revealed that those who base their self-worth on external factors experience more mental health problems, like stress, anger, and relationship conflicts.

Different Attachment Styles

Another thing that could trigger anxiety in a relationship is having different attachment styles. 

Attachment theory is based on the idea that early experiences — like being separated from a parent or being treated harshly by a parental figure — shape how we attach to people as adults. 

There are thought to be four different attachment styles: 

• Secure attachment: This person believes they deserve love and have a healthy, confident way of attaching to others.

• Avoidant attachment: As a child, someone with this attachment style may not even notice if a parental figure has separated from them. Similarly, an adult may react the same way with loved ones — by pulling away and avoiding intimacy.

• Disorganized attachment: Unlike the above, a person with this attachment style is not consistent in how they react. Sometimes, they may be avoidant, and other times, they might seek extra support and attention.

• Preoccupied attachment: A person with an preoccupied or anxious attachment style may seemingly worship others, may be very emotionally expressive, and can be very dependent on the other person in a relationship.

As you can probably guess, mismatched attachment styles can be problematic. For example, if someone who is anxious is with an avoidant person, it can cause them to feel even more anxious.

And even someone with a secure attachment style can feel anxious if they’re with someone who exhibits disorganized attachment. You may even feel lovesick symptoms because of your partner's or your own attachment style.

Maybe you’ve already admitted to yourself, “My boyfriend gives me anxiety attacks,” or you’re simply asking yourself, “Why do I feel uneasy in my relationship?” Whatever’s causing your anxiety (whether it’s a partner or something else), it’s important to seek treatment so that you can be more at ease and not constantly on edge. 

Two of the most common ways to treat anxiety are through therapy or medication. Sometimes, the two are used in conjunction with one another. 

Using Therapy to Help with Anxiety

There are quite a few different types of therapy that may help ease your anxiety. To determine which one can help you most, you should speak with a mental health provider. 

Some of the different options they may go over with you are: 

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) exists to help identify patterns that may be increasing your anxiety and come up with a way to deal with them. For example, if you spiral out of control anytime you don’t hear back from your partner after texting, your CBT therapist may help you approach this more reasonably.

• Interpersonal therapy will assist you in overcoming interpersonal issues (like a relationship) that may impact your mental health.

• Psychodynamic therapy involves a lot of reflection. That’s because it’s believed that past issues could contribute to current emotions.

• Couples therapy involves you and your partner seeking professional help together, with the goals of resolving conflict and learning about your partner’s needs — as well as how to communicate better. It could be a great place to discuss how your partner can support you while you’re feeling anxious.

Medication is an Option

There are also a variety of prescription anxiety medications available to help if your anxiety is severe enough to meet the criteria for a medical diagnosis. 

A healthcare professional will be able to assess if you’d be a good candidate for medication. If they determine that you are, you may be prescribed one of the following types of medications:

• Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs), like citalopram (Celexa^®), escitalopram (Lexapro^®), fluoxetine (Prozac^®), and sertraline (Zoloft^®)

• Serotonin and Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRIs), like venlafaxine (Effexor^®) and duloxetine (Cymbalta^®)

• Beta Blockers, like propranolol

• Benzodiazepines

Millions of people live with anxiety disorder in the United States. And when you live with anxiety, a number of things can trigger it — including a partner. 

Here are the most important things to keep in mind as you navigate this:

• Things like romantic disagreements, miscommunications, and more can cause you to feel even more anxious than usual. Signs your anxiety may be triggered by a partner include sleepless nights, feeling on edge, becoming irrational, and experiencing panic attack symptoms. 

• Low self-esteem and different attachment styles can also lead to heightened relationship anxiety.

• If any of this sounds familiar, try not to panic — it doesn’t mean you have to break up. It just means it may be time to work on things together. Talking to your partner can be a good first step.

• If your anxiety is severe, it’s best to reach out for professional help. Both psychotherapy and medication, either alone or in combination, can be helpful in treating anxiety. It’s possible to skip crowded waiting rooms altogether and get anxiety treatment online.

If you’d like to learn more about anti-anxiety medications from a healthcare professional, you can schedule an online consultation with Hers today.