Anxiety After Breakups: 6 Coping Strategies and Treatments

There’s no sugarcoating it: Breakups can be really tough. Whether you initiated the split or your former partner did, breakups can stir up a whirlwind of emotional pain.

While sadness, heartbreak, or even anger are expected, you might not have anticipated anxiety creeping in. No, breakup anxiety isn’t a medical term, but there’s a real association between breakups and feelings of distress. Navigating this kind of anxiety can be just as challenging as the relationship ending — especially if it interferes with daily life. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by anxiety post-breakup, know that you’re far from alone.

In fact, research suggests that 36.5 percent of unmarried people between 18 to 35 experience at least one breakup within about a year and a half. These breakups were often associated with increased distress and decreased life satisfaction.

Fortunately, those (bleak) outcomes are usually temporary. Another study even suggests that breakups can eventually lead to positive things, like self-discovery and emotional growth. In other words, there is hope, and there are actionable steps you can take to manage anxiety after a breakup.

It’s all about getting informed and then leaning on the right resources to kickstart your healing process. Ready to start?

Ahead, learn what breakup anxiety is and how to manage your anxiety symptoms during this rough patch.

Everyone gets an occasional case of nerves. But if you frequently feel anxious and it extends beyond occasional worries, it could point to an anxiety disorder.

Like generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety disorder, or panic disorder, post-breakup anxiety and relationship anxiety can manifest in both physical and emotional symptoms. Each anxiety disorder presents unique emotional and physical symptoms, but common ones include:

• Restlessness, irritability, and feeling on on-edge

• Fatigue, difficulty focusing, and trouble staying calm

• Aches, stomach pain, and a racing heart

• Uncontrollable feelings of worry, racing thoughts, and rumination

• Nightmares and trouble sleeping

• Panic attacks

What Causes Breakup Anxiety?

Big life events and changes, like a breakup, can trigger symptoms of anxiety.

Research suggests that uncertainty and anticipation — which can arise in the aftermath of a relationship ending — are also driving factors of anxiety. This might be because uncertainty makes it hard to prepare for the future.

Perhaps you dreamt about spending your life (or at least the foreseeable future) with someone, or you planned things to do together. If those dreams and plans are no longer viable, you might end up anxious and feeling lost after a breakup.

Also, in one small study on breakup distress in university students, some underlying factors played a role. 

Specifically, those who experienced higher rates of distress reported having intrusive thoughts, feeling rejected and betrayed, and perceiving the breakup to be sudden and unexpected. Breakup distress was also higher for those who didn’t initiate the split and had just recently separated.

Other risk factors for having anxiety after a breakup include a history of other mental health conditions like:

• Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)

• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

• Social anxiety disorder

• Panic disorder

• Adjustment disorder

• Separation anxiety disorder

By now, it’s probably clear that the anxiety and emotional distress left in the wake of a breakup can drastically affect your daily life. But there’s also good news: With the right self-care strategies and coping skills, you can manage your anxious feelings, work toward healing, and focus on self-growth.

You have options when it comes to treatment, getting emotional support, and coping on your own — below are some of the things you can try.

1. Identify and Avoid Triggers

Knowing your triggers and setting boundaries around them is a form of self-care. For example, if you notice that scrolling through your TikTok or Instagram means running the risk of seeing an ex or something that triggers your feelings of anxiety or self-doubt, take a social media break.

One study showed that seeing your ex on social media can complicate the post-breakup recovery process, so it may be a good call to avoid scrolling while you’re feeling extra anxious. 

If it’s hard for you to stay off social or you have a ton of triggers and notice your mind wandering constantly, look out for some healthy ways to distract yourself.

Whether this means treating yourself to a massage, going on a hike, signing up for a yoga class, or just spending more time with friends and loved ones, it’s important to show yourself compassion and do things that make you feel taken care of. Looking after your own wellness should be a priority right now.

2. Reach Out and Spend Time With Loved Ones

Leaning on a support system of friends and family members can do wonders as you recover.

Some research shows that maintaining high-quality friendships can improve well-being and satisfy basic physiological needs. Having a support system when your romantic bond is severed can make you feel less alone and help you cope in the aftermath. 

The same is true for family support and emotional well-being. 

That said, if you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to anyone in your circle, there are other ways to feel connected. For example, you could join a support group.

3. Focus on Building Healthy Habits

While it can be easy to slip into unhealthy habits when your anxiety peaks, it's extra important to focus on taking care of yourself during this time. Your physical health can influence your mental health, and vice versa. Here are some healthy habits to build and prioritize: 

• Sleeping well. Many say that sleep is the cornerstone of both emotional and physical health, and research shows that poor sleep quality can increase anxiety. You should get seven hours or more of sleep each night. To sleep better, skip caffeine late in the day, stick to a consistent sleep schedule, and ask your provider about sleep aids if you’re having an especially hard time. Check out our guide to falling asleep with anxiety for more suggestions.

• Eating mindfully. Eating more fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins (chicken and fish) can help with overall health. These foods are also less likely to make blood sugar rise and fall quickly, which can lead to jitters. And on that note, be careful with caffeine and alcohol, as they can both worsen anxiety. 

• Working out regularly. What goes hand-in-hand with a healthy diet? Exercise! Getting your heart rate up for even five minutes can have benefits. Working out regularly is also linked with reduced anxiety. If you want something high-intensity, consider a spin class or a boot camp-style sweat session. Prefer something more low-key? Even a brisk walk through the park can do the trick.

4. Calm Your Nervous System

Anxiety can often be very physical. If you want to try some techniques that marry both physical and mental well-being together, here are a few ideas:

• Meditation. One study suggests that 20 minutes of mindfulness meditation can reduce overall brain activity. Sounds scary, but this is actually a good thing — and might help control anxiety and stress. Plenty of boutique studios offer meditation classes, but you can also download free apps that offer guided sessions.

• Breathwork. Your breathing becomes more rapid and shallow when you’re stressed, so getting it back to normal may help release anxiety tension. Breathing exercises might help you do so. They involve inhaling deeply, holding your breath, exhaling,, and repeating to help you self-regulate and minimize your anxiety. Try the 4-7-8 breathing method.

• Grounding exercises. Most of these ask you to simply look, listen, and smell the room you’re in until you feel more connected. You can also pick five objects to look at and study them for texture, weight, and color. Do the same with sounds — pick ambient noises, identify them, note patterns, and rate their volume. This might bring you back to the moment, suppressing anxious worries about the future.

• Progressive muscle relaxation. Focus on a body part — start with something small like your fingers or toes. Then squeeze the muscles as hard as you can for 10 seconds. Next, release and relax them for twice as long without moving them. Do this for as many muscles as possible until you feel more relaxed.

5. Try Therapy

Many people wonder how to stop overthinking after a breakup. If you have severe symptoms of anxiety that interfere with your daily life, it can be especially hard to keep your mind from wandering and spiraling out of control with “what if” scenarios.

This is where professional help, like psychotherapy, can come in and help. Talk therapy can help with a variety of mental health issues, including anxiety and low self-esteem. Some options include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is one of the most common and effective therapies for anxiety. During CBT, you speak with a mental health professional to identify behaviors that amp up your anxiety and work to come up with ways to change negative thought patterns and behaviors. 

• Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). A modified form of CBT, DBT is designed to help people live in the moment, develop healthy coping strategies for stress, regulate emotions, and improve relationships. It’s especially beneficial for people with borderline personality disorder or low self-esteem who want to build self-compassion. 

• Psychodynamic therapy. This form of talk therapy, derived from Freudian principles, aims to help people understand the underlying issues and memories driving present-day behavior and emotions.

• Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). This type of therapy emphasizes accepting negative thoughts, emotions, or circumstances when they’re appropriate responses to certain situations. Instead of trying to control painful emotions, ACT teaches mindfulness techniques to be in the present moment, focus on personal values, and commit to changing their harmful patterns of behavior.

Whichever form of therapy you choose, it’s beneficial to have a therapist you trust and feel comfortable with to talk through anxious thoughts and breakup distress.

It can also help to discuss what you may want in future relationships. A professional can help you work through unanswered questions from previous relationships and help you sort through your aspirations and values as you start thinking about getting back out there. 

6. Consider Medication 

While therapy can be a great way to help manage and lessen anxiety, mental health professionals may also recommend medication in some cases. Typically, medication would be considered if the emotional effects of the break-up don’t fade with time, as would be expected, and the symptoms of anxiety are causing you significant pain or are interfering in your life. Just because you take medication doesn’t mean you’ll have to take it forever: Medication can be helpful for some people when they’re experiencing hard moments in their lives. 

Indeed, anti-anxiety prescription medication is often used in conjunction with therapy. 

Common medications include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (like citalopram or sertraline), beta-blockers (like propranolol), and benzodiazepines. Taking these medications could help with your anxiety symptoms.
Hers offers online consultations so you can speak with a mental health professional about whether medication is right for you, if you want to explore this option.

Breakups are a part of life, and sometimes, they can trigger major bouts of anxiety. Whether you experience anxiety for the first time after a breakup or you’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in the past, it can feel pretty overwhelming.

But there are tools you can use to work on getting better. Here’s what to keep in mind about dealing with post-breakup anxiety:

• Breakups often entail major life changes that might temporarily disrupt your sense of identity and daily life. When this happens, you might feel lost or uncertain, which can cause anxiety.

• If you already deal with an anxiety disorder, like GAD or panic disorder, a breakup could make things worse or trigger old patterns of anxiety.

• There are many ways to cope, from reaching out to friends and family, joining support groups, taking care of your physical health, staying distracted, and doing calming exercises.

• If your symptoms of anxiety are severe, you should reach out for professional help. Looking into mental health services is a great way to process relationship breakups. Your provider may recommend talk therapy, medication, or both to help you manage your symptoms.

If you are going through a challenging time or dealing with anxiety flare-ups, consider scheduling an online consultation with a healthcare professional to go over psychiatry options that could help with your mental health issues.