How One Woman Found Confidence and Freedom by Embracing Gray Hair

Gray hair is a natural part of aging. When and how it occurs is determined by a number of factors, including genetics, hormones, and stress. Despite being a normal process, many of us are intimidated by the prospect of going gray. Women, especially, face constant pressure to conform to youth-centric beauty standards.

As women, our hair is deeply intertwined with our identities — when it changes, we change too. As does the way society views us. Think about a phrase like “blondes have more fun” or a term like “fiesty redhead." As a culture, we often link hair color to values and stereotypes. So it’s hardly a surprise that many women worry about being labeled a gray-haired granny.

Thankfully, things are starting to shift. More women are redefining beauty on their own terms and reclaiming gray hair as a symbol of authenticity, confidence, and individuality. Icons like Diane Keaton, Jenna Lyons, and Sarah Jessica Parker are rocking their silver strands and proving that gray hair is as bold as it is beautiful.

Suzanne Doty, a fan-favorite on Netflix’s Later Daters, is one such woman. Her gorgeous silver mane is more than just a hairstyle — it’s a reflection of her vibrant personality and unshakable self-assurance.

Or, as her daughter puts it, “People take one look at her hair and just know she’s a good time.”

Here’s how Doty embraced her gray hair and discovered newfound freedom, joy, and authenticity along the way.

“I was a redhead as a young girl — a feisty redhead,” Doty says with a laugh.

That red became a part of her identity, and it wasn’t easy to leave it behind. Her transition to gray was years in the making.

In her early 30s, she explains, she began to notice more brown hair blending in with the red. So she started coloring her hair. She went with a brunette hue with warm undertones.

“At first, it was every couple of months,” says Doty. But as time went on, those touch-ups became more and more frequent. By the time she was in her 50s, Doty found herself in the salon chair every three weeks.

“It wasn’t just a hassle. It was irritating,” she recalls, both physically and psychologically. The chemicals in the hair dye began to take a toll. “I’d come home and scratch my scalp raw, wake up with blood on my pillow, and have scabs everywhere.”

Despite the discomfort, Doty kept at it. Until one fateful encounter helped her return to her roots.

A Family Legacy of Gray

For Doty, gray hair is more than a natural milestone. It carries on a family legacy of style and strength, one that’s become a source of pride.

“The women in my family have fabulous gray hair,” she explains. “My grandmother had this gorgeous salt-and-pepper hair...It was absolutely beautiful.”

While she always aspired to follow her grandmother’s example, she wasn’t sure she was ready.

But having strong role models — whether family members or influential figures in the media — can help take some of the fear out of the gray hair journey and turn it into an empowering statement of beauty and confidence.

The Turning Point: A Hairdresser's Insight

During a trip to Los Angeles, Doty and her daughter spontaneously decided to pop into a hair salon.

As soon as she sat down in the chair, the hairdresser earnestly asked her why she was still coloring her hair. “Your natural hair color is fabulous,” the stylist told her, “Why don’t you go gray?”

Between the irritation on her scalp, the stylist’s words of encouragement, and the empowering memory of her grandmother, Doty was finally ready to take the plunge.

“I think I was there maybe four hours,” Doty recalls of the initial process.

In the immediate aftermath, it wasn’t perfect. “I kind of looked like a calico cat for a while,” she quips. “Because you have those brassy undertones if you’ve been a redhead.”

But even then, she loved the transformation. The Venice Beach hairdresser equipped Doty with info to pass along to her stylist at home, which made her feel more confident about the process.

The Freedom to Focus on What Matters

Over the years, Doty’s hair has gone from salt and pepper to a white platinum color. Without the regular dye jobs, Doty’s irritated scalp finally healed, and she began to notice improvements in her hair health.

There was another major bonus — her trips to the salon went from every three weeks to every six months. The time she saved proved more valuable than she could have imagined when her husband was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.

“I wanted to spend every second I could with that man,” she says.

For Doty, going gray was about more than aesthetics; it was about embracing ease and prioritizing what matters most.

“Losing my husband during that time gave me perspective. Coloring my hair every three weeks added up, and I’d rather spend that time doing meaningful things.”

What Gray Hair Taught Her About Life

Doty reflects that while her hair isn’t the sole source of her wisdom, it’s part of the larger journey of aging and learning about how she wants to spend her time.

“I would rather be doing things I enjoy and spending time with people I love than doing all that maintenance for my hair.”

Plus, she says it’s not just about hair color. “When you get to a certain age, you really don’t give a shit,” Doty says with a wink.

“Being my age and being platinum, you’re expected to wear those battle wounds and scars and just be a wealth of knowledge and stories. We look at wrinkles, we look at gray hair, and there are lots of stories and lessons that go along with that. Age is a beautiful thing. And if you can empower one person or make someone smile every day by telling that story, why not? That’s what life’s all about.”

If you’re considering going gray or you’ve already started the process, read on for some of Doty’s best beauty tips and haircare secrets.

1. Embrace Change While Staying True to Yourself

During her hair color transition, Doty embraced the salt-and-pepper phase and found confidence in her new look by sticking with the same length and style. Too much change all at once can feel overwhelming, so take baby steps as you figure out what works for you.

Doty’s long, voluminous mane has always made her feel fabulous — going gray didn’t change that.

“My hair is my power,” she exclaims.

“So many women go gray and then cut their hair off because they don’t like the color.”

Doty says, “Let it frame your face, let people notice your hair. It’s your strength, your power.”

2. Establish a New Haircare Routine

With gray hair comes changes in color, of course, but also texture, growth rate, and hydration needs. Doty is a self-proclaimed hair product enthusiast and has a tried-and-true routine. Here’s how she keeps her hair looking and feeling its best:

• Use purple shampoos wisely. Some people swear by purple shampoos to help with brightening, but Doty isn’t one of them. “My hair grabs purple, and I don’t want to look like that church lady with blue or purple hair,” she jokes. Instead, she uses a biotin and collagen conditioner. And she alternates between affordable drugstore products and higher-end brands.

• Rotate products. Speaking of which . . . Doty has noticed that her hair gets used to products and can stop responding to them. So, she switches things up regularly.

• Use a clarifying shampoo. “I use a stripper once or twice a week to get all the product out.” If you’re using a lot of products, this can help keep your hair feeling healthy and light.

• Style with hot curlers and hairspray. “I’m a Southern girl, so there’s never enough hairspray in my drawers to keep things big and bouffant. I also use hot curlers of all different sizes,” she says about maintaining her signature volume and body. Pro tip, she says, “Some hair holds curls better as it gets a little dirtier.”

• Add collagen to your routine. “I swear by collagen supplements. I put tablespoons of non-flavored collagen in my coffee every morning. My gray hair doesn’t hold body and texture like colored hair, so this helps.”

3. Wear It With Honor

As her hair got more platinum, Doty noticed a shift in how people perceived her. “I think people look at you with different eyes. There’s this degree of enormous respect and curiosity about your journey in life.”

Her ultimate advice? “Aging and graying is going to happen to all of us, so why fight it? There are so many stories and lessons that come with it.”

Doty’s journey to embracing her gray hair is about so much more than color — it’s about reclaiming time, self-image, and authenticity.

If you’re beginning the process now or considering it, find inspiration on social media or talk to people going through similar transitions. You can also reach out to a hairstylist who knows how to execute the transition and can help you develop a new daily hair routine.

Doty reminds us that embracing change, whether in hair or life, can lead to unexpected joy and freedom. As she puts it, “Gray hair is a beautiful thing.”

It can tell part of your story, and that’s something to celebrate.