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You gain a lot of things when you get into a new relationship: love, companionship, a new toothbrush in the bathroom. You might also gain a bit of weight.
Relationship weight gain is common. But before you go breaking up in the name of health, know that you can reverse and prevent gaining weight in a relationship.
Keep reading for insight into what makes you gain weight in relationships and how you and your partner can lose weight and stay healthy.
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“Happy weight” is the weight people sometimes gain in long-term relationships. It’s usually a result of relaxing healthy habits, changing routines, and doing activities together that promote weight gain, like date nights at restaurants and weekends binging your favorite show.
It’s pretty common. Living with a loved one increases your odds of obesity, compared to being single or just dating. And if one half of the couple in a romantic relationship develops obesity over time, the chances of the other developing obesity increase by 37 percent.
You can prevent or reverse happy weight gain, though. Stay tuned for how.
Gaining weight in a relationship can be caused by a few different factors. We can’t speak for all couples, but here are common culprits of why some couples gain weight:
Eating more (and more unhealthily). When you’re paired up, you might be going on regular date nights at restaurants or joining in whenever your partner orders takeout. You may also eat larger portions if your significant other has a larger appetite than you.
Being more sedentary. You might now be spending your evenings on the couch together with Netflix and weekends at movie theaters, restaurants, and bars rather than moving your bodies.
Drinking more alcohol. You might drink more alcohol in a relationship, whether it’s celebrating milestones, enjoying date nights, or opening a bottle of wine after work on Friday together.
Relaxing on your healthy habits. Longer relationships are associated with greater perceived weight gain, and one theory for why is the “mating market model.“ Essentially, the pressure of dating and wanting to look your best might have motivated you to hit the gym and eat well in the past. But now that you’re in a comfortable, committed relationship, you might think about your appearance less.
Changing your routine. Maybe you’ve moved in with your partner and haven’t joined a new yoga studio yet. Or maybe having plans with them in the evenings means you spend less time working out and meal prepping your lunches. There are also bigger lifestyle changes, like pregnancy or parenting, which can contribute to weight gain.
Picking up unhealthy habits from each other. Research shows that one person’s unhealthy habits can rub off on the other, and couples can reinforce unhealthy behaviors in each other that were already there. It’s harder to eat nutritious foods when your partner is always stocking the freezer with ice cream, for example.
Don’t panic. You’re not doomed to gain weight if you’re in a relationship, and you can work to lose any weight you’ve gained and improve your health.
Here’s how:
Set joint goals
Upgrade your eating habits
Get moving together
Make changes at home
Focus on your own journey
Be each other’s support system
Keep scrolling for more detailed insight into each tip.
Goals give you direction and motivation. Consider setting a joint goal and keeping each other accountable.
This goal doesn’t have to be related to body weight or BMI (body mass index) if you don’t find those metrics helpful. You could commit to working out three times a week — either together or separately — or swapping your weekly Friday night takeout for cooking a recipe you haven’t tried before.
Research healthy recipes, make a weekly meal plan, and turn cooking into an enjoyable activity you do together.
Aim to add more fruits and veggies to your meals, as well as lean protein, whole grains, and healthy fats. You can also use smaller plates and bowls to naturally reduce your portion sizes and eat together at the table (instead of in front of the TV) to help you savor your meals and avoid overeating.
One more tip: Be more mindful about when you’re eating. Try to recognize the signs of physical hunger (like a rumbling stomach) and when you’re reaching for a snack because of stress, boredom, or anxiety.
With mindful eating, you can ensure you’re eating when you’re truly hungry. And when you’re not? That’s when you can manage emotions with non-food-related fixes — like going for a walk or spending time on a hobby.
If you’ve slipped into the Netflix-and-chill slump, look for ways to increase your physical activity levels.
Consider:
Going for a morning walk together before work
Joining group fitness or yoga classes
Playing friendly squash or pickleball matches
Planning weekend hikes, swims, or bike rides
Getting a joint personal trainer or hitting the gym at the same time
Besides working out together, look for ways to incorporate more general movement into your days and check in with each other, perhaps by sharing step counts or celebrating small wins, like both going for a walk on your individual lunch breaks.
And you don’t have to work out together if you enjoy different activities. You can just support and encourage each other.
Small changes add up to big lifestyle upgrades and can lead to real health benefits.
That could include:
Reducing how much unhealthy food you bring home (and always keeping healthy snacks and meals on hand)
Getting blackout curtains and breathable bedding to encourage better sleep
Clearing space for home workouts or fitness equipment (and keeping it somewhere you’ll see it often)
Taking time to unplug at the end of each day to manage stress and anxiety — this is a great time to check in with each other while doing good by your mental health and well-being
Chat through ways you can make your home a healthier environment for both of you.
Even if both you and your partner want to lose weight, you still need to focus on your own journey. There may be times your significant other takes a break or treats themselves when you want to stick to your weight loss plan.
The good news is, just like how unhealthy habits can rub off on each other, healthy habits can inspire your partner to do the same.
A 2016 study found that when one person adopts healthy behaviors, their partner is more likely to adopt them too. And if one of you is trying to lose weight, the other may naturally lose weight as well.
You can’t shame, nag, or reprimand your partner into losing weight with you, but you can be a good influence and supportive presence if they want to join in. The same goes for how they act toward you.
Let each other know how you’d like to be supported on your weight loss journey — whether that’s with help researching weight loss medication, gentle reminders to drink more water, or just someone to watch the kids when you work out.
It’s easy to let healthy habits slip — or adopt a few new ones — when you get into a relationship, leading to weight gain over time. But just because you’re coupled up and in a happy relationship doesn’t mean you can’t prioritize your health or maintain a healthy weight.
Here are our final words of wisdom to keep in mind about relationship weight:
Be supportive of each others’ choices. You’ve decided to lose weight (go you!), but that doesn’t mean your partner will automatically be on board. Though your good habits may rub off on them, you can’t force them to lose weight if they’re not motivated to right now.
Avoid comparisons. We’re all unique snowflakes, even more so when it comes to weight loss and wellness. Don’t compare your weight loss progress to your partner’s. Even if you’re making the same healthy lifestyle changes, you’ll probably see different results.
Consider bringing in the experts. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. That could be in the form of a weight loss program or tailored advice from a registered dietitian, personal trainer, or healthcare provider. If you or your partner have a health condition — like diabetes or PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) — personal guidance on weight loss can make all the difference.
If you’re considering weight loss medication, take our free online weight loss assessment to discover your options and how medication fits into a comprehensive weight loss plan.
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This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment. Learn more about our editorial standards here.