Your Guide to Your First Role Play Experience

    Ready to shake up your sex life? Try role playing! This exciting world is full of different names and personas, props and costumes and doing anything other than the ordinary. It offers plenty of fun, but also offers so much more.

    It allows you and your partner to explore scenarios and desires together. You can gain a deeper understanding of your sexual preferences. Maybe you act out a submissive role, love it, then realize you want your partner to take charge more in bed. Or maybe you think you’d like a filthy dirty talk session, but it didn’t do much for you. Now you know!

    It also helps you get out of your own head, which can be one of the biggest barriers to orgasms for women. Focusing on an exciting, new scenario can help you feel more relaxed and turned on. This can lead to faster, stronger or more orgasms. There are so many benefits to trying out role playing, so what are you waiting for?

    Here's the hers guide to making the best out of your first role playing experience. 

    Make a Judgment-Free Zone

    The first step is creating an atmosphere free of judgment for you and your partner. No one should feel any guilt or shame about what they want. As long as your actions during the role play are consensual and free of pressure, allow yourselves to enjoy the experience you want.

    Sometimes people want to enact roles that are different than their personalities and positions. This is especially common with women who are under so much pressure and manage so many responsibilities in their daily lives. It can be thrilling to hand over the reigns to someone and step into a submissive role for a little while.

    Or maybe the role you want to play feels like it conflicts with beliefs you hold. For example, you aren’t a fan of how the industry treats strippers. But the idea of playing one in the bedroom turns you on. Or you want to pretend to be a docile housewife from the '50s, even though you are a champion against gender roles. What you want in bed doesn’t always correlate to what you want in your life outside the bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with that. What matters is making a positive, respectful experience for whatever scenario you choose.


    There are as many ways to role play as there are couples! Getting on the same page ahead of time will help your experience go smoother. Are you hoping to use elaborate costumes, accents or detailed backstories? Or are you looking for a more low-key experience? Both partners should have enough time to think about what they want to do—then come together to chat about it.

    It’s also important to talk about what you both want to get out of the experience. Are you hoping to test the waters of some light BDSM play with handcuffs and a blindfold in a police/citizen scenario? Are you wanting to play off of nostalgia and re-enact your first date by doing the strangers meeting scenario? Are you looking for something to spice up the sex? There are many valid reasons for role playing. Being explicit about both of your “whys” helps ensure everyone’s needs and wants are met.


    Role playing can be as complex or as simple as you'd like. But even the simplest one will require some coordination of logistical details.

    First, what scenario are you doing? Think about what would be hot for you both. Many people enjoy involving an authority figure in some way, such as the teacher/student or doctor/patient scenario.

    Another approach is to play off something you enjoy. If you love giving or receiving massages, try masseuse role play. If you are a sports fan, slip on your favorite jersey and step into the role of famous athlete.

    You can also tap into your dream job. Be an actress, billionaire CEO, the ground breaking scientist and so on. Play out that fantasy alongside your sexual fantasy.

    You can also bring your skill into the picture. Photographers can do a model/photographer role play, musicians can do a rock star role play, and so on.

    Or you can simply choose something because it sounds fun!

    Second, are you dressing up? Many couples find that unique clothing helps them get into character easier, get into the scenario easier and—ultimately—orgasm easier. It can also help make the experience feel more fun and special. You don’t need to go all out renting elaborate costumes (but if that’s your thing, by all means!). If you aren’t sure how to dress up, search for DIY Halloween costumes for your chosen character. You’ll find plenty of ways to build an outfit using clothing and items you already own.

    Third, are you using props? A masseuse role play needs massage oil. A cop benefits from handcuffs. You don’t need to buy items, but they can add an extra level of fun to the mix. You can find specific items at most sex shops or costume stores and find general items at any grocery store. Use as many or as few props as you want.

    The Experience

    Remember the key word here: Play!

    Don’t get caught up in how your acting is doing; this isn’t a movie set. Try not to stress about hiccups (such as forgetting your partner’s character name). You don’t want to worry so much about things going smoothly that you forget to have fun. Most “first” experiences come with some awkward or less-than-smooth moments and that’s okay. As long as you and your partner have fun, it’s a success.

    Anytime you try something new in bed, it’s good to debrief afterwards. What went well? What would you change for next time? Do you want to do that again? Why or why not? These conversations help you grow closer to your partner, gain insight about each other’s preferences and help you keep generating positive experiences.

    There is a vast world of role playing awaiting you. Whether you want to dip your toes in the water or dive in headfirst, you and your partner can enjoy a fantastic experience. It’s playtime!

    Want more tips on how to mold the perfect sex life? Check out the hers blog

    This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment.