Using a Vibrator with Your Partner

    If you only use your vibrator when you masturbate, you (and your partner) are missing out on some fun! While vibrators are made with women in mind, they offer plenty of benefits to both genders. Keep reading to discover why you should bring yours into the bedroom (and how to make it a fully positive experience for you both).

    The Benefits of Vibrators

    Part of the power of a vibrator lies in its ability to deliver consistent and powerful sensations—both of which are crucial to getting that intense orgasm that leaves you shaking in pleasure. But it does more than just make you orgasm faster and stronger. One research study found vibrators also increase sexual desire, arousal and lubrication (essentially boosting every part of a sexual encounter).

    That same study found that partnered vibrator use gave men improved desire, erectile function, sexual satisfaction and orgasms. Everyone stands to gain by bringing a vibrator into the bedroom!

    Busting Vibrator Myths

    Some women know the benefits of using a vibrator, but still leave them in the drawer when their partner is in the bed too. Oftentimes, this reluctance is due to myths surrounding what using a vibrator with a partner is actually like (or what asking about it implies). It’s important to bust these myths so you can enjoy a fun, anxiety-free partnered vibrator session.

    Myth 1: It’s a Sign of Dissatisfaction in Bed

    Some people think desire for a vibrator is due to lack of desire for a partner. But wanting something different doesn’t have to equal being unhappy with the status quo. It can simply mean wanting to try something new! Few people enjoy doing sex the exact same way with the exact same positions every time—there’s obviously value in variety. Bringing a vibrator into bed is a great way to shake things up for the sake of shaking things up (without it meaning you’re bored with your sex life).

    Myth 2: Your Partner Will Feel Threatened

    How can a man hope to compete with a machine, right? Well, that’s the exact wrong mentality to take! It’s not a competition or comparison. A vibrator is simply another tool to add to your partner’s arsenal for making you feel good—and a loving, respectful partner will be excited about that. Sure, it may take a little time for him to work through this myth, and you can help by reassuring him. After all, if the vibrator was really better, you would just stay home and take care of yourself without him. There are plenty of things your partner brings to the table that a vibrator can’t.

    Myth 3: You’ll Become Reliant on It

    Maybe you’re worried about this. Maybe your partner is worried about it. Rest assured this is incredibly unlikely. You’ve had plenty of orgasms before you invited your vibrator into the bedroom and you’ll have plenty more when it isn’t in play.

    Part of the fun of using a vibrator is because it offers variety, so you’ll be incentivized to not use it all the time. It usually becomes another fun thing to throw into the rotation, rather than a necessity for your sexual pleasure. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with using a vibrator every time if that’s what you and your partner are into!

    How to Suggest Using One

    Because of all the myths and preconceptions surrounding vibrator use, you aren’t going to want to spring it on your partner in the middle of sex. Instead, you’ll want to introduce the concept in a casual, open conversation. This gives him time to process any feelings and misconceptions about it, which help increase the odds of it being a positive experience of you both. If you engage in regular conversations about your sex life (which you should), this leads to a natural time to bring it up. Otherwise, you can start the conversation when you’re both in a headspace to chat about it.

    As with any aspect of sex, it’s important your partner doesn’t feel pressured to say yes. You want him to agree to it because he wants to, not because he’s afraid of disappointing or angering you by saying no. Mention it as a possibility, but give him time to decide (rather than needing a decision then and there).

    It can help to do your part to bust myths off the bat. You can also bring up the many benefits to you both. For example, quickies can become a more viable option when a vibrator is an option. Plenty of women love the idea of quickies, but they don’t work logistically due to the lack of time for adequate foreplay. The sex isn’t as good (or worse, ends up being painful). A vibrator can jumpstart your arousal and make quickies just as fun as a longer session.

    How to Use One

    You can use it the whole time, he can take charge of it or you can both take turns using the vibrator. Different couples prefer different approaches. It’s a matter of personal preference. Whatever you do, make sure there is always plenty of lube (and that the lube is compatible with your given vibrator). Make sure you are turned on enough before it touches your clit (otherwise, it may feel uncomfortable).

    There are plenty of ways to use a vibrator on your body. Caress your nipples. Tease by dragging along your thighs and bikini line. Combine it with other sensations (such as using it internally while you recieve oral on your clit, hold against your clit during fingering or sex and so on). Bring it into the shower or bath (just be sure it’s water resistance). Use it during phone sex when you and your partner are separated by distance. The possibilities are endless—so get exploring together!

    As always, when you try something new together it’s good to debrief after. Check in with each other and see how it felt. What did you enjoy? Did anything not work well? Are there things you want to adjust next time around? Keep open communication about it and using a vibrator together can be a really positive experience for you both!

    This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment.