How to Watch Porn Together

    Porn is often portrayed as an activity one partner shamefully does out of sight of their loved one in a hurried attempt to get an orgasm without getting caught. It’s a shame there’s so much shame around porn watching because there are many benefits to porn watching as a couple!

    But before we go any further, let’s acknowledge the difference between porn as an industry and female-friendly porn sites (more exist than you might think!) Porn as an industry has many issues that shouldn’t be underplayed, from perpetuating misogynistic mindsets to coercion of the performers. When this article talks about porn use, it’s referencing female-friendly porn sites that are respectful to women. There’s so many great adult entertainment resources that will leave you feeling empowered and turned on—and that’s what we’re talking about here.

    Why Watch Porn Together

    About one third of women watch porn on a weekly basis (and even more watch it less frequently). Odds are, most of you are already watching and enjoying porn as part of your solo play. But there are many benefits to watching it with your man too. Studies show porn-watching couples report higher commitment and sexual satisfaction (and a majority of women who watch with a partner said it had a positive effect on their sex life). Porn-watching can facilitate many great things!

    Express Desires

    Porn can help facilitate expression of your desires. In fact, over half the women surveyed said it gave them confidence to explicitly ask for what they want. Some women struggle with sharing what they want. Doing it outside the bedroom can feel too out-of-the-blue. Doing it in the heat of the moment might throw off the groove. Making comments while watching porn can feel more natural.

    When my partner and I watched together, we were surprised how easy the conversation flowed. He would ask comments to see what I did or didn’t like a scene. “Is he being too rough with her there for your tastes?” “What do you think about how he teases her for that long of time?” I would make comments about what I found to be hot. “If you were behind me like that kissing my neck it would drive me wild.” We came away with new things to try and a better understanding of each other’s preferences.

    Quicker Orgasm

    Porn is intense visual stimulation, which can lead to intense physical stimulation. 73% of women shared that porn watching was a quick route to orgasm. Many women find porn turns them on very fast, which can make quickies much more fun. For me, I was ready to pounce on my partner after about three minutes of clip watching!

    Fun

    There’s excitement around trying something new and seeing what happens. If you both enjoy it, use it as a tool to add more variety to your sex life. Variety helps boost libido of men and women, which is a win-win!

    How to Bring it Up

    There are many complicated feelings and perspectives around porn watching, so it can be a delicate topic to bring it. Do it in advance so your partner has time to process it, rather than ask for a “yes” then and there. Frame it as something you could both try and then evaluate whether you both want to try it again. That way, there’s no pressure of it indefinitely being an option in your sex life. You both get the freedom to explore without any pressure of loving it.

    It may also help to proactively squash insecurities he may feel about your suggestion. Stress that it’s not because you need to look at a bunch of hot hulks to get turned on, it’s not because you’re bored of his performance and so on. It’s just something new to explore together.

    When You’re Ready

    If you get the yes, you’ll want to be proactive in cultivating a positive time. First, talk about what you both want out of the experience. What types of porn are you looking to watch? How do you decide who picks the clips and when? Some people want to be hands-on in choosing the videos while others prefer handing over the reigns. How much touching and kissing do you want during the viewing? Make sure you are both on the same page for everything.

    Second, set the mood. If you both are stressed or uncomfortable going into the experience, it’ll be harder to enjoy it. Light candles, engage in some foreplay first, do what you like to ensure you are both comfortable and excited to try.

    Third, keep the remote handy. Sometimes the porn clip starts out quiet, so you turn up the volume. Then out of nowhere comes orgasmic shrieking and moaning, which can be awkward and startling at full volume. It also can damper the moment if you’re both scrambling around the house looking for the remote.

    Finally, debrief after the experience. Whenever you try something sexual together, it helps to unpack it. What did you like? What didn’t you like? How do you feel? Would you want to do this again? Why or why not?

    Suggested Sites

    If you aren’t sure where to start, try one of these sites.

    • Hegre Art is an artistic approach that celebrates human sexuality in an empowering, respectful way
    • Men.com is full of man-on-man scenes of talented and attractive stars
    • Lady Cheeky Smut for Smarties Tumblr offers clips and photos rooted in positive body image and mutual pleasure (or centering on female pleasure)
    • Kink.com is perfect for those wanting to explore BDSM with the assurance that the actors are taken care of. You can read about the company’s values on the site, which include consensual environments and respect. There’s a wide range of alternative sexuality content on the site, including females dominating men.
    • Hysterical Literature is a great dipping of your toes into the water. Here, clothed women read intelligent books until they come.
    • For the Girls using loving couples to engage in more storyline-driven videos.

    Whatever site you choose, I hope you enjoy a hot and fun time exploring with your partner!

    This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment.